This Cancer

                                                                              

 you're married... yes? no? you're not married yet but hope to get married one day... yes? no? this may sound funny to you but it's a fact i love sharing with my friends. guess when i started praying for a life-partner!!! you may be thinking well... probably shortly before my graduation from the university, or during my national youth service programme. far from both. in fact, i started praying for a good life partner (i mean wife), when i was in lower primary. i can't remember exactly the class, but that should be primary three. (my curiosity as a child was greatly manifested while in primary three). does this sound strange to you? well, you may ask..."what does a primary three child know about marriage?" i knew a little ooo! and that little i knew, led me into praying for a good wife, quite early enough. i grew up in a serene village environment. this offered me an opportunity to witness family life, not just from my own immediate family, but from neighbouring families. some couples were enjoying the "jolly jolly" kind of union. while some couples too, endured the "katakata" side of marriage. in both cases, i could see the effect registered on the faces of their children (some of them were my friends). one thing was clear... the children from troubled homes looked troubled most of the time, and ready to fight at the slightest provocation. but the children from peaceful homes were peaceful and more friendly... always smiling. so i sat down one day and asked myself...."what kind of family do you want to have?" peaceful family, of course! my eldest sister (God rest her soul) immediately became my role model. she was such a peaceful and loving woman and wife(to her husband) that i longed to have a woman like her as my wife. hence my prayer for a good wife started. was the prayer answered? a big YES! more than ten years of being together with my wife, i still have that "yummy yummy" feeling i had the day she accepted my proposal. although she'd added a few pounds, she's still cute. well let's not go into that now.

something really bothers me to the marrow. like the dreaded cancer, it's eating deep into many marriages. and that's what i want to share with you in this blog post. maybe it won't bother you. but if it really does, then suggest the way out of it. your response can save many homes.
here we gooooooo!
years back, i mean during the days of our fore-fathers and fore-mothers... i can assure you i wasn't there. but i was reliably informed by my lovely mum, that in those days, married couples stayed together "till death do us part."
Please share this popular good gossip with me:


                                                                                 

Zelmyra and Herbert Fisher (picture above) broke The Guinness World Record for the longest marriage. They were married on May 13, 1924. In 2008, they earned the record for longest marriage at 84 years. In 2011, Herbert passed away at 105, and a few years later in 2013, Zelmyra followed at 105 years old as well. When Herbert passed, the couple had been married for 87 years.

Hmmmmmm! i exhale! eighty-something years of unbroken relationship! unbroken marriage!  wonderful, isn't it! 
back to my mum's tale! 

according to her, in the "good old days" husbands and wives shared similar stories like Zelmyra and Herbert Fisher. in our own time however, the trend seems to be changing gradually. hmmm!
i see a lot of young married couples giving up on their marital race. the marital journey often starts smoothly and sweetly... kind of "Prince Charming" experience

                                                                                

                                                                         
                                     

                                                                              
                                                                                

but sadly, after a while or some years later, the once-vibrant music changes its rhythm to a solemn tune. then division sets in...

                                                                                 

                                                                                

followed by separation, a.k.a divorce...

                                                                           
                                                                                 

 what's really the cause?

sometime in 2002, i met Charlotte (not real name), an Australian woman in Bangkok Thailand..... somehow we became casual friends. one day i enquired about her marital status. she proudly told me...
"i'm a divorcee." she then went on to say that...
"i'm more comfortable living with my dog than with him(ex husband). he (her dog) treats me better than him(ex husband)." i was shocked. bizzare! isn't it? but to Charlotte, that was a normal situation. on another occasion a Canadian girl, Melinda (not real name) that was on a vacation in Mae Sot Western Thailand, shared her own views about marriage with me. she made it clear to me that the last thing she'll ever do is to remain in a particular marriage for more than four years. what's her reason?
"i'll be bored to death," was her response. so divorce is the option. variety is the spice of life. so according to her, she'll  keep changing husbands till she becomes tired of marriage. sounds funny, isn't it? just reminds me of the biblical story of the Samaritan woman that married several husbands. so this didn't really start TODAY. initially, it was believed that the western world doesn't know the value of marriage institution. hence couples can get wedded "today" and file for a divorce "tomorrow". i used to "laugh" at them, calling them "names." but now, i laugh no more. why? in the recent times, the trend seems to have "catcally"(like a cat) crept into our society. i mean the African society... Nigeria, in particular. most young married couples are now ready to throw away their marital vow of "till death do us part" and go for another "man" or "woman" and start a fresh marital journey. one may say, well it happens only in the city... it happens only to the "unbelievers"and celebs. the sad news however, is that the worm called divorce has eaten deep into the villages too. and even revered men and women of God are not left out of this mess.
some of the victims of broken marriages are even very very very close to me. so you can see why  i'm really worried. new day seems to unfold with new divorce cases. and to make the matter worse, it's now possible and easier to get the church's approval to "dissolve" wedded couples so they can be free to re-marry and re-wed in the same church. it's not that i'm judging the church, or anybody. but i'm just really worried about this ugly trend. the marriage institution which used to be so sacred, is now being treated like a mock football match where the players have limited length of time to display their skills. the referee blows the whistle, announcing the end of the game even when the spectators haven't been fully entertained.
the spectators... who are they? the children of course(for the couples with children). such children become confused...

think of the tears that roll down their innocent cheeks after their once-loving parents go their different ways!
                                                                             

     think of the trauma of abandonment haunting them day and night, sometimes for years!

and remember that these children are the hope our our tomorrow. something needs to be done NOW to salvage the ugly situation. you can do something... is it still possible for married couples to live "till death do them part"? your suggestion and advice can help save a home today. remember the tears of those children from broken marriages... we must stop this cancer now, for the sake of the generations born and unborn!